Blog therapy

One of the things I don’t like about blogging is when I wake up in the middle of the night with blogging topics rattling around in my head. But one of the things I do like is that blogging helps me to sort out my feelings.

A heartfelt thank you to all who responded with insight and constructive opinions on my previous blog topic.

Lone cellist paranoia

Because I was the only cellist at rehearsal this past Thursday night I made a very conscious effort to count and listen even more carefully than usual as we were playing. I felt relaxed and confident, and although there were times when I lost my place (as is usual for me, a novice yet at playing with an orchestra and following a conductor) I thought I handled the situation quite well, without feeling shattered or traumatized. In fact I even wrote “YAY!” and drew a smiley face in my day planner when I got home that night.

I was feeling quite good about it all … that is, until the following evening when I ran into an orchestra member who’d been present at that rehearsal. One of the first things she said to me was, “I heard you had a rough time last night.” My immediate reaction was confusion; I thought maybe she was talking about the traffic or something. Then I realized that she was referring to the fact that I was the only cellist at rehearsal. [She heard I had a rough time. Heard how? Was my playing that bad? Could she hear me getting lost? Was I that much off key that she could hear me, even though she was sitting 2 rows behind me? Did someone else hear me play off key and tell her about it? Was everybody talking about how badly I’d played?]

Without taking obvious offense or questioning her further, I did let her know in no uncertain terms, that I was indeed very satisfied with the rehearsal even though the other two cellists were not present, and that it most certainly was not a “rough” time.

However, later that evening more paranoia set in regarding the rehearsal:

• Had Maestro asked to play my cello during the break that night because he wanted to amuse himself (he’s done this before; he’s also a cellist) or because he wanted to see what kind of tone my cello is really capable of?
• When Maestro jangled his car keys in the air during “Washington Post March” and yelled out “KEY SIGNATURE!!” (because it had changed to Ab major) was he directing the pun at me?
• Did Maestro’s technical suggestion to me (hold fingers closer to fingerboard during a fast repetitive passage) make others think I was having a “rough” night? (Actually, I rather enjoyed the personal attention and positive constructive advice that he gave to me.)

I’ve had several days to ponder all of the above, the outcome being that it’s only served to motivate me further to practice more. So maybe paranoia can be a good thing sometimes.

Tai Chi Cello

While I was going through some of the motions at Tai Chi class last night I became aware of a connection between the continuity of the movements with certain aspects of bowing and shifting. The position and motion of the wrists in Tai Chi suggest how they move and function in cello playing. Tai Chi movements emphasize soft fluid motion and continuity, curving circular arcs, and a gradual relaxed shifting from one position to the next. Very helpful for both imagery and sensation for playing the cello.

Friday night goof

Last night I really messed up and didn’t order the usual Friday night pizza early enough. So, tired of being on hold on the phone, I hung up and we went to a fast food eatery in the next town. … MISTAKE. (I used to eat that garbage?) I threw half of my burger in the trash, along with the matching fries.

But at least it reminded me of one of my brother-in-law’s funny jokes about the guy sitting between Hitler and Stalin in hell:

Hitler and Stalin: So what did you do to get in here?
Guy: I ate the pastrami-on-rye on Friday.